Dreamboats, Petticoats and Gumtree

One of the downsides of being Cinderella is that until your life takes off, it can be REALLY depressing. All those years dating guys who turn out to be total jerks can make you a trifle cynical and despondent. In the end you never imagine falling in love, maybe 'Friends with Benefits is a better option.....and then KABAM!

Cue the Dreamboat...

Those of you who know Martin, my fiancé, will understand what I'm getting excited about. For those who don't, suffice it to say that Mum never told me men like him existed...he's a total guy but incredibly caring and loving too: A guy who is so practical and yet romantic as well. Before he came into my life, I missed him so so much. Now he's with me I'm NEVER ever letting go.

So, these days at work there are SO many question. 'Jane: Have you named the day? Arranged the venue? Got the dress? Chosen your bridesmaids? Decided on your theme?

Yes to all of the above and yet the excitement still mounts...the date is 28th October this year, the venue is The Britannia Hotel Manchester, the dress is err...shhhhh (don't tell the groom), the theme; stylish city nuptials; white, gold, the bridesmaids will have navy blue dresses. It's only now I've sorted out these things that I've begun to see how much there is still to do. There are things to buy, collect, borrow and beg, so much to arrange!

Some of these things are WAY more important than others.

All Brides, myself included tend to focus on THE DRESS. But the BIG problem is we don't always think about what goes underneath. It was Coco Chanel I think who said 'Fashion is architecture, it is a matter of proportions.' Proportions and shape are so important. My dress is A-line. It has a gorgeous outward sweep and fullness that makes you feel like a Princess....except it won't if it doesn't have something underneath to hold it out.

Cue the hoop petticoat....

Hoop petticoats consist of layers of tulle over a lining material. Sewn into the lining are casings for circular boning to form a hoop shape. A petticoat can have one or more hoops of varying sizes. They are usually adjustable to suit the dress. However, hoop petticoats are ridiculously expensive costing upwards of £70-85, I have blown my budget buying a £1,400 dress, can I make savings elsewhere so that I can afford one?

Cue Gumtree....

Gumtree is an online classified ads site. Friends had suggested it, other Brides had heaped praise on it, I wasn't sure. Memories of wading through lists of closely printed local newspaper ads came to mind. It's so tedious. Would there really be anything out there? I had a very clear idea of what I wanted, I could even see it in my mind's eye.

So what should I do? try Ebay? I can't do with that whole online auction thing. I wanted to find someone LOCAL, see what I'm getting before I buy and talk to the seller at first hand. Wouldn't it just be easier to fork out for something full price, even if it means doing without something else?

Then it occurred to me: All over my area, girls like me are getting married, THOUSANDS of them, all enjoying their special day and wearing everything, once? Somewhere out there, not far away, there must be dozens of nearly new wedding items and Brides who want to pass them on. I decided to give Gumtree a go, so glad I did as it happens.


Creating a Gumtree account was easy, I did that online in my coffee break at work. Unlike some annoying sites, Gumtree works really well on my iPad and iPhone meaning that I could keep looking and searching in odd moments at work. There WAS no laborious sifting. I found that I could search on particular items, 'Hoop slip' revealed any number of results, many with photos. Though some of these were in places like Nottingham and Middlesborough with 'collection only' in the description, I found I could narrow my search down to a 50 mile radius. I travel regularly to and from Manchester. Was there anywhere en route? Chester, Runcorn, Warrington?......Bingo!

A lady near Warrington had something that sounded promising...a Jupon hoop petticoat, the sort I'd looked at before but dismissed as too pricey. The photo she provided however didn't give much away. In the picture the skirt was rolled up in a bag. Seeing a link to email the seller Claire, I dashed off a quick line asking for more information. By the time I was on my afternoon tea break she had replied, promising to post more photos that evening. By the following morning I was making arrangements to call in that Saturday and look at the skirt. She even sent me her postcode, I put it in my Maps app: Brilliant only a few miles out of my way. By then, I was also hooked on Gumtree searches. veils, fascinators, tiaras....there was so much out there and at a fraction of the price I had been expecting to pay. Fast forward to Saturday.

Cue the Dreamboat again...

Yes, he drove me to Warrington on our way to a weekend away. Leaving him in the car outside Claire's home, I was invited in to see the petticoat (pictured above). 'Oops, I must have worn it with the tag still attached', she laughed. She only wanted £20; an incredible bargain. Claire had other things for sale too; children's toys. I had therefore expected someone young, not a similar age to myself. It turned out we were both 'Encore Brides', both having married very young with grown up kids. She had remarried, to the guy of her dreams and started a brand new family. She too had worn a lovely A-line dress.

'Second Time Around' is always the best, she said with a smile, and, talking about her second family: 'You never know, maybe you next?'. It made me smile so much. Not only had I found EXACTLY what I needed and wanted, I felt I had made a friend, not the sort of experience I'd have enjoyed if I'd have gone to a Bridal shop!

'Don't look Darling', I said to my fiancé as I hid 'the item' under a rug on the backseat of the car. It wouldn't have done to have him see it and guess the sort of dress I would be wearing, (fortunately he knows little about such things). 'It looks like a dead dog' he observed laughing...and indeed for several days, until it got hidden away safely, 'The Dead Dog', became it's name. Yesterday I persuaded one of my bridesmaids to photo me wearing it (as above). The press stud on the waist needs moving a little bit but that is all. I'm so pleased with the dog....err I mean petticoat!

Will I use Gumtree again? Most definitely! I have so many other bits and pieces that I want to buy and Gumtree's classified ads are certainly the best place to find them, at the right price and local to me. Moreover, once I'm happily married it looks like the best and most convenient market place to sell some of my Bridal stuff.....and toddler toys? We'll have to wait and see about that one lol,

Hugs,

Jane xx

(the soon to be Mrs Jane Williams)

My Dream Wedding Dress

My Dream Wedding Dress

Brides will all tell you (and now me (OMG I'm one too now)) there is SO much planning involved in a wedding. Having managed £12,000 and £30,000 projects for previous employers I thought that this one would be a doozy; not so. Bringing in a 100 guest Wedding for at a prestige city centre location for under £10k is a hard one to pull off, in particular when it's just you and a few select others doing the planning. For me as a Bride, the saving grace of all this is 'the exciting bit' otherwise known as buying THE DRESS (and the accessories!)

I've scarcely ever set foot inside a wedding boutique. I did once as a little girl when a friend of Mum's was getting married. Being small it all seemed very grown up and sophisticated, princessy and glamorous. Sadly I was just simply tagging along with Mummy not being asked to be a flower girl. Hopes of being asked to be a bridesmaid throughout my later childhood and teens were wishful thinking but at least I could draw pretty pictures of fantasy wedding dresses. It was nice to imagine the gown I would choose if I ever did get married and to dream of being a bride.

Inevitably, given the generation I grew up in, glamour and society weddings fed a lot of my dreams. That includes my ideas about a wedding dress. I wish I had kept some of my drawings in a keepsake box: They would be interesting to see now. My dress designs included lots of lace. They started off as ball gowns like Cinderella's: Princessy creations that would have meant a double door entrance just so I could fit through! In time, the sort of retro movies my mother made me me fascinated with clinging, lacy, beaded dresses, beautiful couture and expensive jewellery. 

As a grown woman thinking about my dream wedding dress, I realised that most of those ideas were still there. On Pinterest, my 'Wedding Dress Inspiration' board is full of exclusive, high end designer dresses following that 'Hollywood Glamour' trend. Sheath dresses feature very highly, lace and beading, low backs, wide shoulder straps and V necklines. There are very few strapless gowns, little satin and taffeta, no A-line silhouettes and certainly NO ruching.

Total Miss ControlFreak that I am, I did my homework, created a mood board, set a budget, talked to other Brides and took advice. I researched shops and designers, I booked appointments. I was clear in my mind what I didn't want....(as above)...., no train (or maybe just a sweep train), no strapless gowns, no A-line silhouettes and definitely NO ruching....it was a mantra to be recited to make sure I got what I wanted.

So, a recent Saturday saw myself and a very good friend from work, heading to the City of Chester to fulfil this mission.

Chester is across the border in England, almost exactly an hour by train: The county town of Cheshire, pretty much the 'Surrey of the North', Chester's streets are host to a wide selection of wedding boutiques, most of them rather expensive looking! Well the day started well, coffee more coffee and yet more coffee (was that wise? - what about peeing?) then we started on the shops. 'This is going to be easy' I thought' as we started to place coloured bobbins on hangers of dresses I wanted to try. I rejected any dress that was either too expensive or had any of the attributes listed above. In the first shop there were still seven I really liked to try on. The day was stop start bridal shopping punctuated by lunch with wine and then more shopping. I was in seventh heaven. I'd been looking forward to this day for so, so long!

But how was it? Well, forget your existing changing room experiences in New Look or Debenhams. You WILL need help. Nobody gets into a wedding gown unaided. This is the moment when, with an assistant helping you, you are either glad you picked out a nice bra and knicker set to put on that morning....or you feel embarrassed. I was so glad I had bought mine previously, another thing my groom hasn't seen (yet). Choose something you would wear on your wedding day even if you later find something better.

Wedding Dresses either have to be stepped into or go over your head with your arms above your head. Depending on the dress, it will fasten with a variety of lacings, fabric covered buttons or zips. You may need to wear a dress hoop or hoops to hold the dress in shape. You won't be able to do any of this on your own! Putting on a bridal gown is a process that either transports you back to childhood memories of Mummy putting you into pretty party dresses or maybe even the 18th century. Be prepared to feel laced in place, stand patiently while being attended to and become a Princess!

I've looked at many pictures of wedding dresses so why was seeing myself in a beautiful white designer gown for the first time such an emotional experience? There was a wild rush of feelings I had NOT anticipated. Somehow seeing a dress on yourself is when you perceive yourself as a Bride for the first time. You think, OMG this is actually going to happen. It is a wonderful and defining moment. 

Once you have tried on at least seven dresses it becomes serious. Fortunately, my friend was on hand to take lots of photos, front AND back (you do want to know how you'll look from behind don't you?). She was amazing. Telling me what she thought, asking me what I thought, making suggestions....I couldn't have done it without her. At the end of the day however, roughly 20 dresses later it was difficult to remember the first ones and the best ones. There tended to be two I had really liked in each shop and one total favourites not each place. I visited 2 shops and was still undecided when I reached the third and last one.

In the last store, Berkertex Bride, we had the benefit of Chris, a knowledgeable assistant who worked really hard to help. Here was where I left my comfort zone and began to think more clearly. Based on my selections, Chris suggested other dresses and more importantly encouraged me to try things I had ruled out. She persuaded me to try on a tea length dress, ruched ones, ones with court trains and yes, even strapless gowns! I confronted many of the things I thought I didn't like. I tried on veils and tiaras, princess gowns and A line ones and was amazed at what I saw.

We often say 'save the best till last' without really thinking much about it. Brides sometimes say, you will KNOW when you find that special gown, the one you HAVE to have. I was a little sceptical about this: I often have trouble deciding on a restaurant or dinner, let alone dresses! Even so, one of the last dresses I tried really captivated me. I asked to try it again after all the others. This was the gown that changed me. It turned on my head almost every idea I had about what I wanted. This was the one I put on and thought, 'this could be IT!'. In all the dresses I tried, this was the design that made me feel right; a dress to say 'I do' in; the one I could imagine myself wearing on my special day and that 'future Mrs Williams' dress! 

Pause for thought, something practical and sensible inside made me want to review ALL the possibilities. We retired to a local pub where we'd enjoyed lunch and began to work our way through a bottle of Freixenet. There is nothing quite like cool intoxicating Cava (unless it's Prosecco) for freeing your up mind and helping you make a decision. I came to realise in that moment that although buying a wedding dress is a major purchase it is unique. Wedding gowns are totally special, unlike any other garment you've ever had and meant for a truly memorable day marking the beginning of a new life. This is not the time for 'this one is a little cheaper than the other' or 'this would go better with shoes I already have'....

With that sudden realisation came the admission that I REALLY wanted this dress! Then there was the mad scramble to return to the shop. The door was locked but they opened up especially for us. Was it a sign? I like to think it was.

Returning home on the train I don't think I have ever felt quite such a sense of achievement (and yes I do have a PhD). It felt so good to have found what I was looking for (even though I was looking for something else!)

To those of you who want photos you will simply have to wait until after the wedding. No way am I risking my H2B getting a sneak peak at my dress. Like you, he'll just have to bide his time and be surprised. I'm so looking forward to seeing the look on his face.

Hugs,

Jane xx (Miss Jane Ward for now - well until 28 October)